I swing in roundabouts, a chronicle thinker and doer, striver to be the best me in all aspects on life, in the words of my best friends from high school would say to me at many moments in my journey "the reason you're not good at validating yourself is because you find things you like in those pivotal people and you acquire that skill but you still feel like your not good enough without continuing to better yourself."
However this cycle as we know it is powerful, but also a double edged sword, as I have struggled with in the past and will continue to do so in the future: "How to do think you can find that peace of mind to where you can be happy and complacent in who you are BUT still grow but without seeking the approval of others."
Allowing myself to slow down considerably and look inward and be still with myself over the last month has been raw, emotional but also reassuring and inspiring. I've found my true self. And I've noticed who out of the people I surround myself with sees me as me, that I didn't know that they see. I've spent this time 'being' which was actually an incredibly space to walk into with open arms, surrendering control to walk into the unknown and not know what would come up, and that you can just simply be.
I marvel at the complexity of some of the extraordinary humans in the world who are able to be so simple in their happiness but so complex in their mind, progressiveness and thoughts. How can people go from having such big lives and then be happy in the simple acts and joys of hobbies, as well as be emotionally deep and intense in their knowledge of cognitive behaviours and have a strong depth of character.
This month I've been exploring what is happiness and how can I find more of, cultivate it within and hold it with me as often as possible. When cleaning out my room the other day I found a letter that my friend wrote me, she enclosed the Indian proverb about the two wolves - it's the story that whatever wolf you feed is the wolf that will win. I've spent this month feeding the gracious wolf, the kind, positive, joyful wolf and have been experiencing more moments of pure joy and a relative peace and calm. I'm permanently inspired it feels. I think a lot of this comes down to routine.